Behind Closed Doors
by xxXJoyous EmoXxx
Summary: A lot of people will tell you that it's a real burden to hide who you are. I guess they're right to a point. But I choose to stay in the closet simply because it's easier...Until I found out I had someone else in here with me.


There he was; sitting there in all his Uchiha God given glory. Yah eat that cucumber sandwich just like you do every day. Eat with all your ignorance...You sexy motherfuck-

"Naruto!"

"What!?" I yelled after being pulled from my gay-erotic-internal monolog.

"Hinata's been trying to ask you if you want to sign up for baby seal genocide club," Sakura said rather annoyed. "Seriously, you're such an airhead!"

"It takes place afterschool on Wednesdays and Thursdays," Hinata added shyly with a smile.

How could I say no to that face, "Anything for a friend. I always hated those smug little fuckers."

"M-m-me too." With my signature in hand Hinata and Sakura went on to the next table.

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Later that evening, (at a totally rad party with doobies, liquor and Justin Beiber!)

I was waiting in the hallway closet for my chance. Any minute now Sasuke will walk by on his way to the kitchen only to be snatched up by his future husband...Me. God had I been sober there's no way that I would have thought of this genius plan! Good thing I've been drinking since 3:30 so I'm like really smart by now...I hear footsteps! I swung open the door and dragged Sasuke in by his nipple.

"Ow! What the fuck!?"

"Shhh," I whispered placing a figure on his lips. "Call me Christ."

"Naruto!?"

"No it's Christ. Now I need you to check under the hood for my Harrison Ford."

"W-what!?"

"I really need you to grease my little princess."

"I don't understand."

"I need you to spell check my super long and hard essay."

"How much did you drink tonight?"

"Sasuke, Baby, you're not listening. Mr. Christ really needs you too relish his hotdog."

"...I don't think there are hotdogs here."

"Oh for fuck sake, I want you to rub my dick!"

"Fine," He said with a shrug.

"Bitchin'! Now I must warn you something pretty crazy happen when you pull my special lever."

"Whatever," He said as he pulled down my pants. He pulled on a white rubber glove with a loud snap. "Let's just get this over with."

"That is exactly how I fantasized it would go." He ignored me and gave my cock a firm pull. I quickly wrapped my arms around Sasuke's waist and we shot though the ceiling and into the sky.

"Fucking Shit!" He screamed as he clung on to me like a little bitch. But it's ok, because he's my little bitch. "Is that rainbow smoke shooting out of your ass!?"

"This is my special power Sasuke. I called it, Rainbow Fart Jet of Beauty. It gives me super powerful, gassy, rainbow farts so that I may fly. Now I'm going to write our names in the sky and put a heart around it." I said lovingly.

"Naruto, put me down right now!"

"I can show you the world..."

"Oh god I'm going to die!"

"Shining, shimmering, splendid!"

"And my last memory is going to be this naked, farting idiot!"

"Now tell me Princess, when did you last- Oh shit!"

"Narutooooooooo!" Sasuke hit the neighbour's fence with a loud crash. He was dead. How could this happen to me!? I stilled had so many farts to give. I didn't even finish writing our names in the sky. I'm so sad, I feel like my heart is being crushed with- Hello, who's this? Is that Hinata? Damn she lookin' fiiiiiine! I swooped in and scooped her up.

"! What the-"

"I can show you the world."

"I will end you!"

"Ah! Neji!?...Nope." And I let go of him.

"Narutoooooooooooo!" His body hit the diving board snapping it in half, letting his lifeless body sink to the bottom of the pool. I started to feel sad again. Not because Neji was dead, but because he wasn't Hinata. I'm never going to find love. I might as well just kill my- Oh shit is that Kiba!? Meow, that boy get my blood pumping to all the right organs. Once again I swooped in.

"I can show you the world."

"What the hell is happening!?

"Shining, simmering, splendid!"

"How much did I smoke!?"

"Now tell me- Wait, you smoke pot!?"

"Well duh..."

"I don't need that kind of negativity in my life!" And with that I let Kiba fall to his death, hitting the driveway. Why do I always fall for such losers! I keep telling myself that I deserve better but I keep going back to the same- Oh my! Sakura is looking...as bad as she always does, but I'm too drunk to be picky!

"I can show you the- Oh now that I see you up close, you really are ghastly." I think I just let this one drop too. After that I scooped up person after person, only to find out that they had some kind of horrific flaw. Ino j-walks, Chojis favorite chip is BBQ not Sour Cream and Onion, and Gaara pulls off not having eyebrows way too well. Before I knew it everyone at the party was dead. Now I was low on love, Disney songs, and farts.

I flew into the kitchen where all the booze were kept and got completely smashed on margarita mix. I pants were still down so I shuffled my way through the door almost tripping a few times. I could barely see straight. That means I'm going to have to walk home. There's no way I can fly in this condition, I might kill someone. I shuffled myself to the front yard, fell over and blacked out.

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The Next Morning

Damn you margarita mixed! My head is killing me; my stomach feels like its digesting rocks. The sun was just peeking over the mountain, so it was still pretty early. Despite how I felt I still found enough strength to stand, though it was tricky because my pants were down.

I shuffled to the edge of the yard while my eyes adjusted. When they finally did, I wished they hadn't. What I saw was horrific! This image was going to be burned in my memory forever. Who did this!? Who could do such a disgusting thing! What kind of sick person would graffiti a stop sign! I shuffled over to the sign the used to be so shiny and red. Now it just had 'fuck' written across it in green spray paint. So sad, so very sad.

I can't let this get me down! Today is a new day and I need to live it to the fullest! With this in mind I started flying/farting my way home. Oh why aren't I sad about letting everyone died you ask? Who can truly tell? Maybe it's because I'm the funniest person I know, maybe it's because I can fly...or maybe, just maybe, it's because I'm a boss-ass bitch.


End file.
